Bas itanasa khwab hai!

As a college student back in Pune, I was a very confident and optimistic person. Then I came to US and I thought nothing was impossible! Of course, fate had the upper hand soon after I graduated with Master's and I was back in India. I decided to fight. Do something no so "common". Do something "good". "Usual is boring!" So, I came back to CU to do my PhD. It was extremely hard at first. Thanks to the support an encouragement of my friends, I stayed in. Even did well in all my classes and prelims. Then came the "research" part. I am still struggling with it. Even after passing my comps, many times I think I am not a research "material". I don't have the "passion", that is necessary to be a good researcher. I am not interested in learning new things anymore. What is contribution of passion/inclination/interest, against abilities and opportunities towards success in life? Well, I continue to try and fail and try again. At the same time, this process has not done any good to the confidence that I used to have. At least, so far. Now, I am very humble and one can say not so confident about my abilities.

"Ya jaganyala swapnanchahi ata, megh palawat nahi..."

I hope when I defend my thesis I will have aspirations, ambitions and dreams again. Unless I want something, I will not get it, right?
Before that - bas itna sa khwab hai - get PhD.