Bekhudi

Bekhudi...a state of "not being one's self"

Name:
Location: Boulder, Colorado, United States

What to say...sach hai duniyan waalo ke hum hai anari...

Thursday, April 28, 2005

What is cooking?

Hobbies are great distraction from "work". Any outdoor activity like running, biking or playing basketball or cricket is good break in a day for me. It makes me completely forget about any tension that I may have. Sometimes a football or basketball game in TV, music, a book, or a good movie also does the same trick. Cooking, I found gives me same joy. Especially, when I do more for fun than when I am just too hungry. I like to cook different food (Indian-Vegetarian) from vegetable dishes to snacks and eat with my friends. My favorite things to cook - Pav Bhaji, Batata Vada, various beans, eggplant, amati, smbar, rassam, masale bhaat, ...

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Bas itanasa khwab hai!

As a college student back in Pune, I was a very confident and optimistic person. Then I came to US and I thought nothing was impossible! Of course, fate had the upper hand soon after I graduated with Master's and I was back in India. I decided to fight. Do something no so "common". Do something "good". "Usual is boring!" So, I came back to CU to do my PhD. It was extremely hard at first. Thanks to the support an encouragement of my friends, I stayed in. Even did well in all my classes and prelims. Then came the "research" part. I am still struggling with it. Even after passing my comps, many times I think I am not a research "material". I don't have the "passion", that is necessary to be a good researcher. I am not interested in learning new things anymore. What is contribution of passion/inclination/interest, against abilities and opportunities towards success in life? Well, I continue to try and fail and try again. At the same time, this process has not done any good to the confidence that I used to have. At least, so far. Now, I am very humble and one can say not so confident about my abilities.

"Ya jaganyala swapnanchahi ata, megh palawat nahi..."

I hope when I defend my thesis I will have aspirations, ambitions and dreams again. Unless I want something, I will not get it, right?
Before that - bas itna sa khwab hai - get PhD.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Dam maro Dam - 4/20

I had heard of 4/20 in past but never witnessed. Well, today was the day. Students and other pot smokers gather in fields in CU at 4:20 pm on Aptril (4) 20th each year to smoke pot. It is supposed to be a "political statement".

Below is a headline news in ColoradoDaily today.

420 nearly 86ed
By JOSEPH THOMAS and STEPHANIE OLSEN Colorado Daily Staff Writers



Neither rain nor sprinklers could extinguish marijuana smoking at the University of Colorado at Boulder Wednesday.

For almost a month, the campus has been dealing with school policy on the celebrated "4/20" marijuana holiday. In years past, the university has been criticized for not strictly enforcing local laws and campus policies concerning drugs and contraband on April 20.

This year CU, to the chagrin of many students, took a proactive approach and tried to deter the pot smokers.

Cat-and-mouse conflict

"We have tried to discourage illegal activity (today) while not escalating the situation," said CU spokesperson Pauline Hale before a backdrop of 200 of marijuana smokers congregating in the parking lot of the Leeds Business School.


Traditionally the celebration is held on Farrand field, but this year police blocked the field off. Without access to their traditional meeting place, marijuana smokers moved to both the business school field and the observatory area adjacent to the Coors Event Center.

At approximately 3:30 p.m., minutes after the pot protesters flooded their new location, the university answered by turning on the sprinkler system.

Students fled to the safety of parking lots where they were out of the range of the sprinklers.

"No one can rain on the nug parade. All the sprinklers in the world will not stop what goes on at this school," said Alley Gordon, who was giving away face paint on the business field when the sprinklers initially were set off.

"I came to school to smoke weed," she continued.



Gordon said her home is in Chicago and she heard about the 4/20 celebrations even before she came to CU.

After the sprinklers were turned on, Mason Tvert, executive director of Safer Alternative for Enjoyable Recreation (SAFER), a group that has lobbied CU to make school penalties for smoking pot equal to those for drinking, shouted to the crowd via a bullhorn saying, "CU can shuffle people around, but they can't make people go home."

The crowd filled the Leeds Business School parking lot, almost to the point where vehicles could not exit or enter.

A little less than an hour before 4:20 p.m., the climax of the event, smoke could be seen rising from the crowd in the parking lot.

"It's a day event, and University of Colorado Police Department will not make a difference ... yeah, I am smoking a joint, it is a political statement," said Jon Knox, a CU student.

While students were partying in the parking lot, police roamed the crowd taking pictures of all participants.

Students left the parking lot and charged Farrand field, where police stood waiting at the entrance, acting as a human blockade. Students flanked the police and jumped the small chain-link fence that surrounds Farrand field.

Smoke got in their eyes

Thousands of onlookers, in dorm-room windows, on balconies, the street and along the perimeter of Farrand field just outside the fence watched as approximately 2,000 participants celebrated the climax of the holiday while dodging sprinklers.

"I came here last year for 4/20 and there are many more people here this year despite the University's efforts because of all the press it has been getting," said Theo, a CU student who was holding a sign that read, "Nervous?" and on the flip side, "I will C.U. in Hell."



Soon after 4 p.m. the sprinklers were turned on at Farrand field as well.

Hoots and hollers emanated from the crowd as flocks tried to avoid getting wet.

Many students tried to disarm the sprinklers by kicking or stomping on them. One reveler even put a Nalgene bottle over one to cover the spray.

One ambitious student named Steve grabbed a gray plastic trash can from the dorms, set it over a sprinkler centrally located in the crowd and sat on it as he shouted, "Don't worry, you can keep on smoking." The crowd cheered as participants lit up fresh joints.

Isaiah Lechowit, chair of the CU College Republicans, acting on his own behalf as a "concerned student," toted a sign, reading "Junkies with the munchies? - We got what you want!"

Lechowit said he was trying to sell chips, but was stopped by the police - who claimed it was illegal because he did not have a permit.

"I think these people out here are crazy," said Lechowit. "We want to capitalize off of their stupidity by selling chips."

There were other entrepreneurs in the crowd as well. Brady Johnson was selling T-shirts reading, "CU - Best seven years of my life," after the rally for $10 a piece.

One partygoer even offered to barter for one of the shirts.

"I will give you a few nugs for a T-shirt," he said.

Johnson declined the offer.

Students protest

Before the pot-smoking festivities officially started, students gathered with SAFER leaders to condemn the university's actions to ignore the recently passed student marijuana referendum, which asked university officials to consider making marijuana penalties no greater than alcohol penalties.

"For the school to come out and make such a big deal about one day sends a negative message," said Tvert.

Students joined SAFER to protest the university's actions against the referendum and against the crackdown on the 4/20 celebration.

"I wouldn't be here protesting if it wasn't for the university and the police," said Benny Kaplan.

Many seemed disgruntled by the lack of communication surrounding the marijuana celebration. Some seemed confused and didn't know Farrand field was closed down.

"The university did a poor job of communication with the students about Farrand field," said Tvert. "When you take a bunch of students who don't know what is going on, and mix in a bunch of cops, you are asking for trouble."

After all the confusion and chaos of the day, one student characterized the marijuana celebration as a reflection of the drug war.

"The drug war doesn't work," said David Cox, a member of the Students for a Sensible Drug Policy. "It just goes to show you people will do as they please."

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Back in the saddle again!

Many times we get intosituations, we seem to find no escape from. It happens more frequently in my research. Every few months I meet a dead end. Nowhere to go. Totally helpless! Sometimes to find out some smarter people have already solved my problem and then what will I do now. I guess, the trick in this situation is "hope". Just keep trying. "Re"search. You will find a way out. Many times get even better ideas. In process you are a more learned person. You got to try as things will not come to you without any effort. And if you try there always are things to discover! I am just telling this to myself so that I will not waste time in cribbing next time I get stuck. For last few weeks, I am stuck with such a problem, and now I at least have some idea why I am failing. Hopefully, I will find some solution. Good thing is I am at least trying. Back in the saddle again! Reading new stuff and understanding new things. I want to remind myself one of my all time favorite dialogs from “shawshank redemption” –

“Remember Red, hope is a good thing. May be the best of the things!”

Cheers!

Friday, April 15, 2005

Staying alive!

From an evolutionary perspective all we are trying to do is survive by adapting to environment around us. All living species reproduce so that their genes propagate. Do we really control things around us or just react in best possible way in order to survive? This is probably true from a higher lever perspective. But individual lives become extremely complicated when we go to a much lower level. How modern human beings are leading (?) their lives – survive, make choices/decisions, adapt/react to environment. Is there anything such as fate? Or everything around you is controllable? What is “Karma”? Or it is nothing. What guides our life?

Where we go in life is a highly non-linear function of may things such as
"fate/luck, emotions-love/hate/anger/happiness/sorrow/jealousy, hope/optimism, natural abilities/talent, brain/intelligence, heart/mind, senses, instincts, intuitions, environment, dreams, expectations, obligations, upbringing/sanskar, company, qualities - character/honesty/ sincerity/integrity/hardwork/vision/passion/ambition/motivation/obsession, opportunity, freedom, flexibility, external guidance, urgency, blunders, hobbies, habits, and many more and their opposites"

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Yog-a-yog

Yatha kashtham cha kashtham cha sameyatam mahodadhau
Sametya cha wyapeyatam tadwat bhoot-samagamaha

Don ondakyanchi hote sagarat bhet
Ek laat todi dogha, punha nahi bhet
Kshanik tevi ahe bala, mel manasancha

Pal do pal ka saath hamara pal do pal ke yarane hai
Is manzil pe milne wale us manzil pe kho jane hai

Khilate hai gul yahan khilake bikharane ko
Milte hai dil yahan milke bicchadaneko

Do pal ruka khwabonka karvan
Aur fir chal diye tum kahan hum kahan
Do pal ki thi ye dilon ki dasatan
Aur fir chal diye tum kahan hum kahan

Monday, April 11, 2005

Geet Ramayan

Over many decades now, Geet Ramayan has become "heritage" of marathi people. The beautiful, simple, straightforward langauge and equally touching music makes Geet Ramayan unparalleled.

My favorites to name a few are -
"Kush Lav Ramayan Gati"
"Dasharatha, Ghe he Payasdan"
"Swyamwar zale Seeteche"
"Daivjat dukhe bharata"
" Setu bandha re saagari"

Those who are interested can order the CD on GADIMA.COM

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Weekends and "Manic" Mondays

"It's just another manic Monday". What is with the Mondays?
I love the way Americans use their weekends. They go "out". Bike rides, a jog in the park, a hike, skiing in winter, picnics, fishing, a movie, a party, a concert, a game, a barbecue, reading, etc etc. They always have the weekend planned and are very busy. After the hard work of the week, they indeed deserve to have some fun.
My week on the other hands is a totally different story ;)
As a responsible member of graduate student community all over the world, I practice my duty of "procrastinating" as many of taks as possible. Those who are not familar with grad student life, please visit http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/
Although some of my planned "work" for the week gets done with imminent deadlines which could not be delayed any further, there is plenty of undone stuff on Friday morning. It is the day I feel some motivation to do some work so that I can spend weekend in doing my own things. I give it a shot. Sometimes it pays off and I really get some work done. Those Friday evenings are great. Usually start with bike ride on the “Boulder Creek” or something like that. After that hang out with the friends or watch a movie. But many times things don't go well. I console myself that I gave it a shot. I think "I'll come back all charged up next week and make up for time wasted. Oh man....am I in some foul mood on those Friday evenings! I mean although I make fun of myself not working and being grad students and all, after all I need to graduate right? How is this going to happen if week after another goes like this.
Saturday morning waking up late, I realize the other things I need to over the weekend – groceries, laundry, apartment cleaning, bills etc. I do these things on some weekends. I even go to school and try to work.
But these things are not fun. I want to do some thing “good” with my weekends. I like to ski, bike, hike, cricket, or watching NFL/NBA, movies, sometimes read books, travel, cooking, potlucks and hanging out with friends. These are the thing I want to spend my weekends doing. And then I do these things, often postponing the grocery like stuff for the next week. I forget my anguish of not getting the work done last week and my huge task list for the next week. I am completely free of the any worries while doing these activities…well….mostly. I feel relaxed after this and want to slowly get back to work.
Then comes the Sunday evening. I want now to get back to “work” mode. Suddenly I feel overwhelmed with the things to do and start feeling guilty of having fun while I have so much work pending. It is so difficult to focus. Go to sleep…late.
Monday morning I want to rush to school (unless I am writing this blog or something like that:). Try to revise my list of things to do and set the priorities. But then I have to read the “times of India”, “esakal”, “Loksatta” etc. Some friend stops by and we go for the coffee. Sometimes there is a talk. That takes care of time until lunch. After lunch, there are always some really useless things to do that I must do. What is with Monday's? Nothing gets done.

How in the world am I going to be more productive?
"Mein aisa kyun hu? mein aisa kyun hu?"

Saturday, April 09, 2005

What are we looking for?

Most of us are constantly looking for something or the other! This is especially true in US. Graduate students in universities are looking for free food, party invites, and any other ways to waste time other than studies and research. :)
Some are looking for funding, or an internship or a job. Others a car, a bicycle, a computer, a camera, a roommate, an airplane ticket. Then some others are looking for activity partners, girl/boy friend and spouse. Some are looking for an apartment to rent or a house to buy. A good rate on loan, a credit card with miles or cash back, coupons, places to visit a vacation! Someone needs to sublet their apartments, sell their car or other stuff.
Sponsors, donations, tax exemptions, volunteers, and what not.
Married ppl looking for good schools for their kids, baby sitters, piano/violin teachers and probbaly a bunch of things that I don't know.
Professors are looking for funding, research ideas, and students. Businesses looking for new markets, smart and hardworking employees, customers, suppliers and vendors.
Everyone is looking for something and everyone has something to sell/give/exchange. What is going on?

Monday, April 04, 2005

Hum hai naye...andaz kyun ho purana...(some rare new hindi movies with good songs)

(not in any order)

  1. Dil chahta hai...(all songs)
  2. Dil Se (all)
  3. Dhadkan (all)
  4. Bombay (most)
  5. Yaden yaad ati hai..
  6. DDLJ (all)
  7. QSQT (most)
  8. Jo jita wohi sikandar (most)
  9. Kabhi haan kabhi na (all)
  10. Yes Boss (all)
  11. Lagan (all)
  12. Swades (all)
  13. Papa kahete hai (most)
  14. Khamoshi (all)
  15. Roja (all)
  16. Bombay (most)
  17. Akele hum akele tum (some)
  18. Ashiqui (all)
  19. Pyar to hona hi tha (some)
  20. Judwa (some)
  21. Mirchi lagi types Govinda songs...
  22. Lakshya (some)
  23. Rahena hai tere dil mein (some)
  24. Darr (some)
  25. Khiladi (some)
  26. Taal (most)
  27. Sarfarosh (some)
  28. Mahobbaten (ok)
  29. Kuchh kucch hota hai (ok)
  30. Dil to pagal hai (ok)
  31. Virasat (some)
  32. Hum dil de chuke sanam (some)
  33. Kal ho na ho

Friday, April 01, 2005

Aashiqui - My favorite hindi romantic songs

(under construction .... not in any order)

  1. Meet na mila re man ka..
  2. Hai apana dil to awara..
  3. Lakhon hai nigah mein..
  4. Pukarata chala hun mein...
  5. Hum hai rahi pyar ke..humse kuchh na boliye..
  6. Diwana muz sa nahin..
  7. O me dil ke chain...
  8. Dilber mere kab tak muzhe aise hi tadpao ge
  9. Na jane kyun...
  10. Ye chand khila..wo tare hase..
  11. Janeman janeman tere do nayan..
  12. Mein aur meri tanhayi...
  13. Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai..
  14. In aankho ke masti ke..
  15. Dil cheez kya hai..
  16. O mere sona re sona re...
  17. Tuze jeevan ke dor se...
  18. Aap ki aankhon mein kucch...
  19. Tune oh rangile kaisa jadoo kiya...
  20. Mene teri kasam li..
  21. Pyar hua ikrar hua hai..
  22. Hal kaisa hai janab ka...
  23. Aaiye meheraba...baithiye janeja
  24. Tum to dil ke tar chhed ke..
  25. Accha ji mein hari piya..
  26. Hum aapki ankhon mein..
  27. Zulmi sang aankh ladi...
  28. Sau saal pahele..
  29. Jiya ho jiya kuch..
  30. Achal me sitare bhar lena
  31. Ramaiya watawaiya
  32. Tu is tarah se mere jindagi me..
  33. Chhod do achal...
  34. Chand fir nikala..
  35. Jaiye aap kaha jayenge..
  36. Tasweer tere dil ki..
  37. Itanana muzase tu pyar badha...
  38. Tumane muze dekha..
  39. Jab pyar kiya to darana kya..
  40. Dil tadap tadap ke..
  41. Akiyon ke zaroke se...
  42. Dil kya kare jab kisi ko..
  43. Na tum hame jano...
  44. Pyar hame is mod pe..
  45. Chhoo kar mere man ko..
  46. Tarif karoo kya..
  47. Jane kaha mera jigar gaya ji..
  48. Pyar diwana hota hai..
  49. Aja sanam madhur...
  50. Pankh hote to ud ati re..

To be continued...

Zindagi ka safar - My favorite hindi philosophical songs

(not in any order)

  1. Ye jeevan hai..is jeevan ka..yahi hai yahi hai...rangroop
  2. Jeevan ke safar mein rahi...milate hai..
  3. Kisiki muskurahato pe ho nisar...
  4. Jindagi ke safar mein...gujar jaten hain jo mukam...
  5. Mein zindagi ka saath nibhata raha...
  6. Aane wala pal..janewala hai...
  7. Ye dooniya agar mil bhi jaye to kyan hai?
  8. Tal mile nadi ke jal mein...nadi mile sagar ko...
  9. Jab pyar kiya to darana kya?
  10. Zindagi kaisi hai paheli haye?
  11. Ea zindagi gale lagale..
  12. Ek din bik jaye ga...mati ke mol
  13. Is mod se jaate hai...
  14. Yeh zindagi usiki hai..
  15. Jeevan ke har mod pe..
  16. Aati rahengi bahare...jaati rahengi bahare..
  17. Aage bhi jane tu..
  18. Mud mud ke na dekh mud mud ke..
  19. Madhunab khushaboo deta hai..
  20. Naam gum jayega..chehra ya badal jaye ga...
  21. Diye jalte hai..phool khilte hai...badi mushkil se magar ...
  22. Ajeeb dasatan hai ye...
  23. Zindagi pyar ka geet hai...
  24. Jeena yaha marana yaha...
  25. Kuch to log kahenge...
  26. Khilte hai gul yaha...